The Literate Musings of Bob Patey
Resident Poet Laureate of the BNC

February 2017

Hallelujah

I joined this club called BNC

The folks are nice, the coffees free

But you don’t really care for Java, do YA!

When winter's here, how dark the days,

But speakers come, our spirits raise,

And as they leave us praise them Hallelujah.

                Hallelujah, Hallelujah

                Hallelujah, Hallelujah!

 

The cruise is booked, we sail the Rhine

We play some bridge to pass the time

But you don’t really care for card games, do YA!

You find the wine group sitting there

They’ll have you sip till you don't care 

And from your lips you whisper Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Now most have come from way up north

From shores of Hudson sallied forth

Where one wrong move is tragic cause they'll sue YA!

But Southport’s kinda livin slow,

No backed up cars, no ice, and snow

Just beach and stars, and shouts of BARRCUDA!

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

 

We drink breakfast blends as we look at stuff

Taste some cheese with a pastry puff

But all the cheese and caffeine passes through YA!

We go to shows, and enjoy a dance,

Play games of skill and games of chance

You just arrived but it's like we always knew YA!

   Hallelujah, Hallelujah

 

   Hallelujah, Hallelujah

 

October 2016

 

The Orphan Committees no one wants to lead. 

Creative excuses for taking an afternoon nap.

Turn your Chap Stick into a replacement for a .38 special 

How to make your squirrel feeder attract birds.

Making that sweater into a ball of wool.

Texting messages to type size 72. 

Classifying your parakeet as a service parakeet for your next cruise.  

Making pancakes in bed on your heating pad.

Proper installation of your Fitbit onto your dog’s leg. 

Do it yourself hip replacements. Thankfully it wasn’t colonoscopies. 

How to drive in the RIGHT HAND LANE!

 

April 2015

 

There once was a man from Nantucket,

Who put that list in a bucket.

Paris and Rome,

But his wife said, "Stay home,"

And his bucket? She kept trying to duck it.

So they joined this new club, BNC,

And made lots of new friends, happily.

They went on trips and ate lunch 

Played games by the bunch

And even put booze in their tea.

"Why didn't we do this before?"

He asked, as they left on a tour.

" 'Cause you wanted to roam,"

But never come home,"

She said, while they planned to do more.

Now they play dominoes, bridge and canasta,

Go to theater and meetings, eat pasta. [pronounced with a flat "a' -- to rhyme with canasta]

Their lives are so rich,

He's at last lost that itch,

BNC -- the antidote to disasta.

 

The Things You Will See When You Join BNC

(with apologies to Dr. Seuss)

Oh what things you will see
When you join BNC,
The greetings, the meetings
With coffee? [shrug] We’ll see.

Our Prez feeling low
When he wants volunteers,
No Joe and no Flo   
Will even look at his tears.

The committees are bare,
The members are gone –
Gone dancing and prancing
From hither to yon.

On picnics and cruises
Or a blueberry fest
Or a lecture (we conjecture)
From only the best,

About homes for old age
Or theaters in the meantime,
Where to go? We don’t know –
We’re all in between time.

Baklava, balloons,
Bridge and canasta,
And all those great trips – my poor hips!
Wish I could move fasta.

And the cocktails, the dinners
With saints and with sinners.
Oh the things you will see
When you live here like me
And joined BNC.


 

Why Here? 
(Sung to the tune of “Who Could Ask for Anything More?”)

We got beaches
Lots of speeches
Bill who preaches

Who could ask for anything more?

We got joints to dine
We go tasting wine
Making crap from twine

Who could ask for anything more?

Making Limencello, or painting something yellow
I’m a happy fellow here at BNC.
Makin good friends
Starting new trends
It pays dividends,
here at BNC
Yeah Southport’s the place to be!

SOooo Who could ask for anything more?

Who could ask for anything more?


 

The Top 10 Reasons You Joined the BNC

  1. Taste wine without a paper bag around the bottle
  2. No one has flipped me off since I left New Jersey
  3. Need someone to gum my lunch with
  4. Looking for a choo-choo ride to and from Chicago in the dead of winter
  5. Mexican Train Dominos is my life
  6. Create a new hip out of paper mache
  7. Meet new singles even though you’re married
  8. Make Limoncello from your next knee drain
  9. Cross off a trip to downtown Shallotte from your bucket list

and the number one reason you joined the BNC.......

  1. Scouting for new body parts

 


 

The Brunswick Newcomer's “Greeter’s Theme”
(sung to the tune of “Doe, a Deer”)

Sign / up now / for what you love
Or what / you’d like to learn to do.
A blue / name tag / says you’re here a while
A red / one tells us that you’re new.
Each ta / ble opens one more door
You won’t / believe what’s here for you
So ma/ ny great things to explore
And here are just a few:


Arts / and crafts / or playing bridge
Once / a month we take a trip
See / a show / or, on Valentine’s Day,
Dance / until you break a hip,
Get / a taste of decent wine,
Make / new friends and learn a sport
Every / thing will be just fine
While you’re here at old Southport.

 

 


April 2015

There once was a man from Nantucket,

Who put that list in a bucket.

Paris and Rome,

But his wife said, "Stay home,"

And his bucket? She kept trying to duck it.

 

So they joined this new club, BNC,

And made lots of new friends, happily.

They went on trips and ate lunch 

Played games by the bunch

And even put booze in their tea.

 

"Why didn't we do this before?"

He asked, as they left on a tour.

" 'Cause you wanted to roam,"

But never come home,"

She said, while they planned to do more.

 

Now they play dominoes, bridge and canasta,

Go to theater and meetings, eat pasta. [pronounced with a flat "a' -- to rhyme with canasta]

Their lives are so rich,

He's at last lost that itch,

BNC -- the antidote to disasta.

 

October 2016

 

The Orphan Committees no one wants to lead. 

 

Creative excuses for taking an afternoon nap.

 

Turn your Chap Stick into a replacement for a .38 special 

 

How to make your squirrel feeder attract birds.

 

Making that sweater into a ball of wool.

 

Texting messages to type size 72. 

 

Classifying your parakeet as a service parakeet for your next cruise.  

 

Making pancakes in bed on your heating pad.

 

Proper installation of your Fitbit onto your dog’s leg. 

 

Do it yourself hip replacements. Thankfully it wasn’t colonoscopies. 

 

How to drive in the RIGHT HAND LANE!

April 2015

There once was a man from Nantucket,

Who put that list in a bucket.

Paris and Rome,

But his wife said, "Stay home,"

And his bucket? She kept trying to duck it.

 

So they joined this new club, BNC,

And made lots of new friends, happily.

They went on trips and ate lunch 

Played games by the bunch

And even put booze in their tea.

 

"Why didn't we do this before?"

He asked, as they left on a tour.

" 'Cause you wanted to roam,"

But never come home,"

She said, while they planned to do more.

 

Now they play dominoes, bridge and canasta,

Go to theater and meetings, eat pasta. [pronounced with a flat "a' -- to rhyme with canasta]

Their lives are so rich,

He's at last lost that itch,

BNC -- the antidote to disasta.

 

October 2016

 

The Orphan Committees no one wants to lead. 

 

Creative excuses for taking an afternoon nap.

 

Turn your Chap Stick into a replacement for a .38 special 

 

How to make your squirrel feeder attract birds.

 

Making that sweater into a ball of wool.

 

Texting messages to type size 72. 

 

Classifying your parakeet as a service parakeet for your next cruise.  

 

Making pancakes in bed on your heating pad.

 

Proper installation of your Fitbit onto your dog’s leg. 

 

Do it yourself hip replacements. Thankfully it wasn’t colonoscopies. 

 

How to drive in the RIGHT HAND LANE!